At one point during your romantic history, you’ve undoubtedly encountered a partner that, when you try to end the relationship, refuses to accept it. As frustrating as that can be, it’s important to consider your former partners behavior and why they aren’t able to let go.
But how are you reacting to their behavior?
Oftentimes, we subconsciously feed the notion that the relationship isn’t truly over, thereby allowing false hope to grow in the mind of our former partner. “It’s not me – it’s them!” you may cry in indignation. I suppose it could be, but let’s back up a minute. Ending a relationship isn’t fun for anyone. I’m apt to avoid confrontation as much as possible, and when I know a relationship just isn’t working out anymore I try to make the breakup as quick and painless as I can.
Sometimes, it doesn’t quite go my way. I’ll breakup with someone (or think I do, at least) and he’ll end up calling me as if nothing ever happened. This is where it gets tricky. In the past, I’d answer my ex’s phone calls. I’d even hang out with him. For all intents and purposes, we may as well still have been in a relationship.
Do you see where I’m going with this?
By neglecting to reinforce the fact that we’d broken up, I unwittingly fueled the flames of my former boyfriend’s fire. Taking his phone calls and hanging out with him only served to make him think that I hadn’t truly broken up with him – that I had, in fact, re-evaluated my position and wanted him back.
The only way to make a former flame understand you’re through is to constantly reinforce that fact. You don’t even have to hunt him down to let him know you’re through. Ignore his phone calls, let his e-mails go unanswered and stop getting together for coffee dates. Once I did this with my ex, it took about a week before he finally got the hint.
hile it’s entirely possible that your ex may not be able to let go, the way you react to his behavior can either make the situation worse, or finally wake him up to the fact that he’s no longer with you. As much as you might hate hurting someone, sometimes it takes a bit of brutal honesty to make a breakup stick. If you can change your behavior, ultimately your former partner will realize that you were serious when you broke up.
Just remember – there’s a reason the relationship stopped working for you. Don’t make it harder on both of you by instilling false hope. A breakup that doesn’t stick can often be attributed to your reactions to the event. Change your reaction, and you’ll ultimately get the results you want.
First off, it is important to ask yourself what you consider a real relationship to be. 
You need to understand what your needs and desires are from another person, and what you are willing to give them. This way, you can see early in your first dates, if you wish to continue and work towards a future together, and if the other person feels the same of course (both sides count).
Once you have decided to have an official relationship, you both need to remember what brought the two of you together in the first place. For instance, what attracted you to each other both physically and emotionally? What do you admire about his or her personality? This will help not taking the other for granted, which can often happen after two people have been together for a long time. This does not mean the love is fading, but it does mean that there is lack of effort. People tend to get lazy after a while, because they feel comfortable and safe. This problem can be solved when both people are willing to make the time and effort. Read also our Love Pullution article.
Everyone is independent in their own beliefs and ideas about things, so never expect a person to always see things your way. However, it is important to have similar expectations out of a relationship, if you wish to avoid frequent arguments. Look for things like whether or not it is important for the both of you to see each other everyday, or have sex often. While seeing each other on a daily basis seems wonderful and healthy to some people, others may feel smothered and need space to have some alone time. Or if sex is on the top of your list, but is not on your partners, you might want to consider that, unless you do not mind waiting or taking care of yourself once in a while…depending on how long you have to wait!
Patience is one of the main keys to a healthy relationship. There are times when our partner will not respond in a way in which is pleasing to us, but this does not mean we have to take it so seriously or personally. Always slow down, take a deep breath and think of reasons why your partner may be acting a certain way. Assuming and jumping to conclusions is always an unhealthy step to take because it shows your partner that they are not entitled to act freely and they feel attacked, not to mention it shows that you automatically assume the worst of them. Give your partner some time and let them know that you will be there for them when they are ready to talk. No matter what the situation may be, patience is golden in a relationship, unless your partner never wants to discuss matters with you (which would mean you need counseling or leave the relationship).
Honesty is also at the top of everyone’s list when it comes to what people want out of a relationship. A person needs to know that they can trust their mate because it builds a zone of safety and comfortableness around them. They need to know that they can at least rely on their loving partner to tell them the truth, no matter what. Being human means NOT being perfect, which means we will make mistakes. Now, we should not let that fact lead us to making mistakes we already know are wrong ahead of time. If your partner deliberately makes mistakes or you knowingly make mistakes, it shows that you or your partner lacks respect and care for the other. This is unhealthy for the relationship. What is healthy however, is realizing that the mistake you committed is a mistake. You or your partner need to know that what they did was wrong and they need to feel the sympathy for what they did. Once you or partner have realized this, you can then figure out a way of how you will confess your wrong doings to the other.
When it comes to sex, it’s important that both members enter into all aspects of their relationship with a healthy and positive attitude. However, no one is positive every day, and it’s only a matter of time before doubt, low self esteem, and negativity may cause issues to arise.
One area in particular, where low self-image can wreak havoc in a relationship, is when men struggle with self esteem issues regarding sex. This may be due to comments that their partner has made, issues that existed in previous relationships, or simply a poor self-image that the man has imagined. However, despite the cause, there is no doubt that low self esteem can negatively affect the way a man performs sexually.
It may come as a surprise, but sex doesn’t begin with physical contact, it begins in the mind. How you think and feel about yourself and your partner has a strong impact on your performance, and if you feel that you aren’t pleasing your partner, or fear that they aren’t enjoying being intimate with you, your sexual intimacy will suffer.
The first thing that must be addressed is your issue of self-esteem. Since you have no way of knowing for sure how your partner truly feels, it’s important that you ask her. Without adequate communication, you have no real way of knowing if there’s a problem or if you’re just suffering from low self-esteem and unwarranted fears. Unfortunately, some couples find it very difficult to talk about sex and this only adds coals to the fire. If you are suffering in your sexual relationship with your partner, or fear that you aren’t pleasing her, the only solution is to discuss it openly. Finding out if your partner is pleased is the main objective, and if she isn’t…don’t take it too harshly. Simply find out what your partner likes and make changes. However, you can’t begin to change those areas in your relationship without discussing the issue at hand.
If you feel that your not pleasing your partner and that you need to discuss the issue with her, find a time where both of you are calm, relaxed, and without a lot of pressure. If she’s unwilling or finds it difficult to talk about, you might want to bring it up after a nice dinner with a glass of wine. You should never discuss these issues after sex because that can lead to more self-esteem issues. You should keep in mind the fact that regardless of what Hollywood movies state, sex is not best learned by watching the big screen, it is an art that is special between two people and every person is different. What pleases one woman may not please another so understanding what satisfies your partner is critical to your relationship.
As long as you two discuss things in an open and mature manner, you can work around any issues that you have and find what best pleases both of you together. In fact, you might find that discovering the best way to please your partner sexually can be a wonderfully romantic experience.